Marriage and Friendship

I stumbled across this old blog I had written and never hit POST! This was about a couple of years ago still good thoughts.....hope you'll enjoy the read............

{written in April 2016}
Last month we turned 8 years old!
Well our marriage did, we are proudly 30 something year olds.
I was contemplating how last year was the "seven year mark" and by that point a couple should
have mastered a ton of different skills, right? They say that the seventh year is the hardest BUT it was actually pretty phenomenal. A lot of things shifted in our favor. We paid off some debts, had a few great vacations and we then got to take a dream vacation with just our little family of 3 where we traveled across the West Coast and stopped in a different city every day. Just a few weeks after that we learned we were expecting baby #2! Then I left my job to be a full-time fitness coach and in December we moved to Florida. If you had told me all that would happen in 2015 I would have really doubted you BUT with God so much is made possible.

This year has been even better thus-far. We've been able to pay off more debts. My husband has a job he absolutely loves and we are about to welcome our baby girl into our family. Our 3 year old is as smart, caring and amazing as can be. I know that so much more is to come, 2016 will be a SUPERNATURAL year for us! I am so confident of this because it has already been promised to us. I believe that our influence in the christian community will reach new heights. I believe that we have been set apart to set up a future for the kingdom of God by undergoing transformation in ourselves. I am in no way trying to boast or brag but my spirit is in such a state of excitement i can't contain it.
What we believe we speak, what we speak we do and what we do becomes who we are. What we are speaks to others. My husband and i have always set out to do God's will above our own. We have had times of plenty and times of lack. we have come to realize the ugly parts of us that need change and a touch of God. We have struggled and we have been triumphant. We have gone through seasons of having pennies in our bank account and seasons of thousands in the
bank and none of which has given me more security than the other. If I'm being honest I'd rather have little money in the bank but lots of faith in God because He always amazes us and comes through for us. One of our dreams is to live on 50% of our income and give away the other 50%. i believe we have been blessed to be a blessing. Nothing is "ours" it's only been lent to us in order to see how we will manage it. I believe this will be our year of giving back and giving away.
by God's marvelous grace.

After this many years of marriage I feel I can share some tips of what we should have learned by now:
#1 -we learn to deal with our spouse, how to conduct ourselves, in essence we become better spouses
#2- we learn to speak how we feel in honesty without trying to hold back for fear of our spouses feelings (sometimes it works against us too ;)
#3- we talk it out more instead of wishing the problem away
#4- through our discussions we grow in understanding and speaking to our spouse
#5- our "love letters/love notes" to our spouse are much more specific and meaningful
#6- understanding and communication when wrong choices are made.....LOL! has any wife out there spent a little too much money and worried about the consequences or talk from our spouse? yea, thought so!
#7- by this time we definitely have a routine in our day to day activities, especially by having kids at this time every moment has to be structured
#8- we definitely learn the need for our own "me time" or personal time to come back with your head in the game
#9- we learn each other better
#10- we learn that no matter how much we fuss, fight or frustrate each other we just can't live without one another and you see how your lives have literally become ONE!

8 years truly is just the beginning of a thriving future. Here's a few things i have learned that will help you continue to learn, grow & be content with your spouse:
* we should never get married to be happy. that is dooms day waiting to happen.
* when a problem arises don't wait for your spouse to fix themselves or fix "it". instead you must focus on working on Y O U.
* there's always something to be learned from a disagreement.
* changing your spouse is impossible, the moment we realize that truth is the moment we are released of much stress and unnecessary pain.
* having an attitude of gratitude will take your marriage to new heights.
* say "i love you" & kiss daily.
* speak positivity into the life of your mate if you want to keep them forever.
* choose to understand (that means listening first) instead of blaming.
* if you scramble the letters in the word (L I S T E N) they spell SILENT, so be quick to listen and slow to speak.
* use your words edify instead of tear down, chances are that your spouse knows most of their flaws, don't be so quick to point them out.
* say what you want, speak into existence that which you want to see happen because what you speak becomes what you believe and what you believe becomes what you will see.
* a love that lasts and grows stronger together begins by becoming a team, a partnership so look at your spouse as your teammate rather than an opposing team member.
* be clear about what you want and don't want, what you like and don't like. don't assume your spouse should know.
* in moments of high stress and hard times it's ok to take a step back analyze the situation on your own then put your heads together and make a game plan to kick that problem to the curb.
Love never fails.....

tips to overcome the 7 year itch

a few things i have learned to overcome the "7 year itch": 

-we should never get married to be happy. that is dooms day waiting to happen. 

-when a problem arises don't wait for your spouse to fix themselves or fix "it". instead focus on working on Y O U and what you can contribute to the solution.

-changing your spouse is impossible, the moment we realize that truth is the moment we are released of much stress and unnecessary pain. 

-having an attitude of gratitude will take your marriage to new heights. 

-say "i love you" & kiss daily.

-never complain to outsiders what you deal with privately because opinions are one-sided so you'll never get the right advice.

-speak positivity into the life of your mate (if you want to keep them forever).

-choose to understand (that means listening first) instead of blaming.

-if you scramble the letters in the word (L I S T E N) they spell SILENT, so be quick to listen and slow to speak. 

-use your words to edify instead of tear down, chances are that your spouse knows most of their flaws already so don't be quick to point them out. 

-say what you want! speak into existence that which you want to see happen because what you speak becomes what you believe and what you believe becomes what you will see.

-a love that lasts and grows stronger together begins by becoming a team/a partnership so look at your spouse as your teammate rather than an opposing team member.

-be clear about you want and don't want, what you like and don't like. don't assume your spouse should know.

-in moments of high stress and hard times it's ok to take a step back analyze the situation separately then put your heads together and make a game plan to kick that problem to the curb. 

-God really, Really, REALLY needs to be your source of strength, your connection point, meet at the cross. 

-marriage is not guaranteed to be clear, perfect, a straight path, a walk in the park, in fact, I can assure you it'll be tough, but you can make it through with the right attitude. 

this sunday we turn 7 years old! 

well our marriage is 7, we are proudly ::30-something:: year olds.

i was contemplating the "seven year mark" by now a couple should 

have mastered a ton of different skills, right? they say that the 

seventh year is the hardest BUT i just know it will a phenomenal 

SUPERNATURAL year. this is the year we break free of debt, do 

things we have never done and change the direction of our future. 

i am so confident of this because it has already been promised to 

us. i believe that our influence in the christian community will 

reach new heights. i believe that we have been set apart to set 

up a future for the kingdom of God by undergoing transformation 

in ourselves. i am in no way trying to boast or brag but my spirit 

is in such a state of expectation & excitement, i can't contain it. 

what we believe we speak, what we speak we do and what we do becomes 

who we are. 

who we are speaks to others. 

my husband and i have always set out to do God's will above our own. we have 

had times of plenty and times of lack. we have come to realize the ugly parts of 

us that need change and a touch of God. we have struggled and we have been 

triumphant. we have gone through seasons of having pennies in our bank 

account and seasons of hundreds in the bank and none of which has given me 

more security than the other. if i'm being honest i'd rather have little money 

in the bank but lots of faith in God because He always amazes us and comes 

through. one of our dreams is to live on 50% of our income and give away 

the other 50%. we never want to have the burden of a mortgage either. i 

know it sounds crazy, to others, but we believe for a paid-off home. we will 

never have a car payment again either. we believe for paid off vehicles too. 

it's gonna happen. we are also going to pay off debt for others. i believe we 

have been blessed to be a blessing. nothing is "ours" it's only been lent to us 

in order to see how we will manage it. i believe this will be our year of giving 

back and giving more away. 

by God's marvelous grace.

thinking about the 7th year and all that it means. i thought "we are still kids in this road of marriage" so i decided to google what the average 7 year old child should know, and i came across this.....by 7 years of age a child has:

1. improved literacy skills (reading & writing) offer experiences that dramatically expand experiences

application in marriage -hopefully by this time we have a good amount of experience and a good grasp or understanding  as to how we are to deal with/love our spouse correctly and we have become better spouses

2. better interaction of language 

application in marriage- we learn to speak how we feel in honesty without trying to hold back for fear of our spouses feelings (sometimes it works against us too...whoops) but we learn to express what we really want and not just be a people pleaser. 

3. demonstrated their understanding through discussion

application in marriage- we talk it out more instead of wishing the problem away or pretending it is resolved, this is developed maturity really.

4. vocabulary that continues to grow 

application in marriage- through our communication we grow in understanding our spouse better and his/her needs

5. a more developed and engaging sense of writing

application in marriage- our "love letters/love notes/texts/greeting cards" to our spouse we become much more specific and meaningful after years of being together, hopefully we learn that sweet spot that we lost after the early stages of dating.

6. a strong number sense and estimation skills

application in marriage- haha, number sense & estimation skills? well that can be self-explanatory, has any wife out there spent a little too much money and worried about the consequences or that "talk" from our spouse? yea, thought so. 

7. a typical preference of structure and routines

application in marriage- by this time we definitely have a routine in our day-to-day activities, especially once kids enter the equation because every moment has to be accounted for.

8. chosen to work or play independently when frustrated

application in marriage- we definitely learn the need for "me time" or personal time to come back with your head in the game and focusing together as a team. 

9. the capacity to understand others' actions and feelings

application in marriage- we learn each other better (self-explanatory, right?)

10. increased their knowledge of art elements, materials, techniques and processes

application in marriage- yes! in all aspects.

7 years truly is just the beginning of a thriving future. i have heard so much about the 7 year itch, which is described as a period where interest in your spouse diminishes. i only believe that people that give mind to that myth will succumb to it's suffering. 

 i hope this inspires and blesses someone. i am certainly still learning and growing but i would not have it any other way.

choose to be a life long learner.
i pray blessings over your current/future marriage.

Date nights!

For our last date night we went to see Cinderella and I loved it. It had been a while since we've seen a show together and  it reminded me of the importance of having regular date nights. 

Do you mind if I share with you some great reasons to keep date night alive?

  

If you'd like to have a stronger marriage, I encourage you to continue to date your spouse. Here's some points from an article that I found:

(1) A date night is an opportunity to communicate, really communicate uninterrupted, which helps couples “deepen their understanding of one another and the relationship.” Communication is important because “individuals continue to change,” and over time, “as they and their relationship develop, they experience new challenges and problems,” Wilcox and Dew point out.

(2) Date nights are valuable for their novelty. Researchers are discovering that “couples who engage in novel activities that are fun, active or otherwise arousing – from hiking to dancing to travel to card games – enjoy higher levels of relationship quality,” the report notes. In this way, couples counteract a tendency to take each other for granted. Couples, it says, “may be particularly likely to benefit from a regular date night if they use it as an opportunity to do more than that old standby: dinner and a movie.” And couples are encouraged to choose activities that represent “a balance of each partner’s interests, rather than tending to do things (novel or not)” that reflect the same partner’s preferences each time.

(3) The report says “date nights may strengthen or rekindle that romantic spark that can be helpful in sustaining the fires of love over the long haul.”

(4) Date nights may strengthen a couple’s sense of commitment to one another. The report says, “Partners who put one another first, who steer clear of other romantic opportunities and who cultivate a strong sense of ‘we-ness’ or togetherness are markedly happier than are less-committed couples.”

(5) Date nights are a way to relieve stress. They allow a couple “to enjoy time with one another apart from the pressing concerns of their ordinary life.” Date nights also may serve couples as an opportunity “to extend emotional support to one another in times of trial.”

*article found on focus on the family website*

I hope this was helpful, I enjoyed reading it and personally could not have written it better. One thing I would add is that date nights allow you to focus on each other and I would recommend having a great belly-laughing session together. Regardless, whether or not you and your spouse have stressful lives --laughter is a healing regimen. The Bible says that laughter is medicine for the soul and I thoroughly recommend laughing together. It has great healing powers. 

Love, Melissa

Marriage minute!

Hey there, I just wanted to take a moment and share something that I received in an email from Dr. James Dobson family talk ministry! Hope you enjoy it like I did. God bless ya'll! 

1. Reserve time for one another at all costs. 

2. Spend only what you have -- financial stress kills romance. 

3. Leave no room for selfishness -- be relationship givers and not takers. 

4. Make sure the “leave and cleave” principle takes place (Genesis 2:24). 

5. Bring your expectations in line with reality -- the perfect spouse does not exist. 

6. Trust one another and build reasonable boundaries -- jealousy and trust rarely co-exist. 

7. Avoid alcohol or substance abuse, pornography, gambling and other potential addictions that will quickly kill your marriage and your life. 

8. Be content with having enough -- “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread” (Proverbs 30:8). 

9. Think of your marriage as a marathon -- you will need determination and faith to go the distance of a lifetime. 

10. Keep Christ at the center and remember His words, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Well...Hello there!?!

It's been so long since I last blogged...I've become a workaholic :( and all I have time for is work and sleep.  So....I believe that last time I left off with some adventures left to unravel. Last month I went with some great friends and my hubs to a race car experience called On Track Xperience and it was so much fun. These lil cars go so fast! I had a death grip on the wheel the entire time...haha...no lie. But I really enjoyed myself and I know my hubs did too. That's best part, seeing him excited like a lil kid, haha. Well here are some pics of the evening's adventures.

Enjoy!

Life is too short, sometimes it's necessary to speed a little every now and again.

He makes my heart race!

After almost 8 years together and just about 4 years of marriage...he still takes my breath away! 

What more could a gal ask for? 

Weak in the knees...heart racing....butterflies in my stomach....that sick kinda love! hahahaha! 

Remember that old song from S.W.V. (Sistas with Voices)? 

Well, I do, and we sing it to each other all the time, its hilarious! 

I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
I lose all control and something takes over me.
In a daze, your love's so amazing, it's not a phase.
I want you to stay with me, by my side.
I swallow my pride, your love is so sweet.
It knocks me right off of my feet.
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.

I'm telling you, I never thought that I would be that girl. 

But I am, he holds my hand and oops, weak in the knees!

It's fun to still date after so many years. So last friday was one of those wonderful days that we spent every moment doing something we wanted to do. It was awesome. 

No cooking. No cleaning. Just fun-having. Together. Nothing else mattered.

He took some fun pics of me.

We ate lunch at Chili's and enjoyed our favorites: smothered cheese fries & strawberry lemonade

Walked hand in hand 

 Went to one of my fav shopping spots in town La Cantera

 Watched a movie...of his choosing...I wanted to see the new Mission Impossible movie

But its ok, I let him get his way every now and again ;)

 Acted silly....that's what we do best!

Played around in the stores catching up on how to detect impending llama spew 

and how to joust a knight...you know the fundamentals of daily life.....

Dinner at a delish pizzeria...Grimaldi's :D

....and Starbucks....YUM!

Then we went home and caught up on some movies (one of my fav things to do!)

It was a perfect day. Dating after marriage is so much fun!

This evenings adventures were great too. We went go-kart racing at 60+ mph (amazing!)

Details & pics coming soon.

Hope you have a lovely weekend.

Our Austin play day!

On my Hubs birthday we decided to spend the day in Austin while we waited for his parents to arrive!

It's such a beautiful city with such a great feel to it. Although we didn't get to explore everything we wanted to, it was fun! And I will definitely be returning for another play day!

 Beautiful buildings and scenery!

  

Lovely Hat store!

 

Stumbed upon this music store with very cool toilets displayed!

I need to make that Guitar lamp!

This photo was made of music notes!! That was very impressive!

This old theater was lovely!

My love!

My hubs has hidden photography talents!

The Capitol bldg

 Inside the Capitol bldg

 Working our way up to the top!

The U.S. Governors meet here!

Resting!

Holding his hand still gives me butterflies in my tummy!

What a pretty church!

Resting some more!

South Congress Ave is filled with fancy lil shops!

Hey Cupcake! Mmmmmmm DELICIOUS! Definitely a must visit!

My in-laws! Love having them here!

Enjoying his ice cream Sundae, he did not share! 

Hope you get to experience Austin....what a lovely city!

Lovely travels to you!